We Have Seen The Enemy and They Are Odd eBook Christopher Gray
Download As PDF : We Have Seen The Enemy and They Are Odd eBook Christopher Gray 
Humor/Satire
This 10,000 word novelette is approximately 40 pages.
The Merlins Are Coming...
Sergeant “Thrasher” Blake was commanding his M1A2 Abrams main battle tank on the Las Vegas strip. The crew was pursuing a Merlin spotted zigzagging in and out of the side streets along the strip. The tank was fast on pavement, capable of hitting speeds of up to 40 mph but the need to avoid abandoned vehicles on the road was drastically slowing them down. They saw smoke in the distance. Word was that a Merlin had taken out a car dealership.
Thrasher wanted to be the first tank commander to bag a Merlin. Another tank crew had fired on a Merlin but missed. How do you miss such a big target, Thrasher thought. The M1’s targeting system was state of the art, and when not falling out of the sky the ships looked like they were slow moving, even cumbersome when low to the ground. Maybe the other crew got nervous and fired on override. Thrasher’s crew wouldn’t make that mistake.
He was observing ahead through the viewfinder when he saw it, a slow-moving, steel-colored saucer, with twin menacing gun turrets.
“Contact! Three blocks ahead, Merlin closing. Prepare to fire M830.”
The Loader chose the round and loaded the main gun. “Ready to fire,” he said.
The Merlin was flying slowly directly towards them, about 500 meters away, well within the effective range of the main gun.
“Fire when ready,” Thrasher instructed the gunner.
The tank rocked back slightly as the massive 120mm gun fired. Much of the noise was muffled by the communication headphones each crewmember wore, but they could feel the concussive force in their chests. Thrasher had been in the M1 for seven years and was still impressed by the gun’s power.
Thrasher kept his eye on the Merlin as the gun fired. The expected explosion on the target did not come. Instead, a second later there was an explosion about a kilometer down the street in a hotel.
“Gunner, you missed! Reload!”
Again the tank thundered as the gun fired. Again the round was ineffective against the target, hitting the same hotel down the street.
“Gunner, what the hell happened? Is your targeting system malfunctioning?”
“Negative Sarge, we were dead on! I can’t explain it.”
Now the Merlin was bearing down on them. A booming voice could be heard over the intercom.
“You will suffer greatly for your attack. Prepare to be obliterated!”
Thrasher knew their first shells were ineffective. He needed to change strategy.
“Get us out of here. Take us east down the next side street. Reload with a 1028 and prepare to fire.”
The Merlin fired before the tank could start its turn down the street. There was a bright light through the tank’s periscope and the crew could hear what sounded like hail hitting the armor plate.
“We’re taking fire!” said the driver.
We Have Seen The Enemy and They Are Odd eBook Christopher Gray
"We Have Seen the Enemy and They Are Odd" by Christopher Gray is appropriately titled. Scientists are surprised when they discover a comet on a near-Earth trajectory. Soon the electromagnetic interference starts causing havoc with communication signals.Ever vigilant of potential political fallout, the President gathers the appropriate advisors and watches the situation unfold. Will the comet continue on its way, or is Earth doomed to suffer some type of impact?
This story is a satire of the whole "aliens invade Earth" type of scenario, which has launched many a book and movie. In places it is laugh-out-loud funny. In other places it is shake-your-head absurd. This story is properly edited, and easily read. It is not serious. If you are looking for a short satire of a Hollywood staple, this might be just what you're looking for. Although a short story, it does have its moments where it shines and entertains.
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We Have Seen The Enemy and They Are Odd eBook Christopher Gray Reviews
As others have said, the story is funny, in a satirical sort of way. The situation that occurs is intriguing and the way the invaders are dealt with echoes an odd reality. Entertaining read.
A surprisingly enjoyable and funny novella. this story reads like a hipster version of Mars Attacks, for lack of a better comparison. I thought it was definitely a unique take on the classic alien invasion plot line.
The only way I can really adequately capture the sophomoric humor and utter disappointment of this story is to steal a quote from my boyfriend as I read a passage to him.
"Is this Duke Nukem Forever?"
Duke Nukem Forever is infamous for being a lot of hype and procrastination for absolute garbage. The kind of thing a 12 year old boy would think is brilliant art. This story, though it is clearly trying very hard, sounds like it's targeted at 12 year old boys who like Duke Nukem Forever and scream profanities when you get a legitimate kill in CoD. None of it was funny because it tried to be. Some parts made us nearly cry from laughter because they were that bad. To the point we couldn't believe someone legitimately thought it was something worth attaching their name to. I'm sorry, dude. It was physically painful.
A more detailed review can be found at opinionated-cheapskate.tumblr.com
I have read the story and it is odd. It is fairly funny in broad rather than subtle strokes. Of course it includes the almost obligatory attack on "religious fanatics" which is tempered somewhat by the simultaneous attack on golfers. The aliens use ridiculous insults of the "running dogs of yankee imperialism" variety and are in other ways reminiscent of Red China in the Vietnam war era and of present day North Korea. Here is an excerpt
"To unidentified ships we wish to enter into peaceful dialog, but be advised we are capable of defending ourselves if necessary.
Fifteen seconds later there was a reply You are weak. You will be enslaved. You will cower in terror at our might.
The President looked grim. “That’s their answer? he asked, incredulous. “They sound like…” he paused, trying to find the right word. “They sound like… morons.”
“At least their grammar has improved,” said Colonel Ford.
Another excerpt
The U.S. and dozens of other countries beamed more inquiries at the alien ships. There was no direct response or acknowledgement. After another hour had passed, the aliens broadcast more messages
Watch in horror as our superior technology pulverizes your buildings!
Experience sadness as your military forces are defeated and your soldiers flee!
Be reduced to shame as your educated elites bow to us as slaves!
This should be enough to convey the tone of the story. And that is pretty much all there is to the humor. A one trick pony of a book.
What happens when aliens attack? What do we do? How will we deal with the impending doom?
Especially when the attack turns out to be more annoying than effective?
Fairly well written and entertaining for a short story. It won't win any pulitzers but I had a few chuckles while reading it. I'd say it's worth the download if you need something to kill an hour with.
If all bullies were as inadequate as these aliens that come to take over Earth, we would be in a much better place. If all people would stop taking everything so seriously (like in this story) we would be in a much better place. A quick funny story that verges on silly in a good way. Despite the fact that bullying is a bad thing, I might have enjoyed watching the aftermath of them mouthing off to golfers. Good story, good fun.
A goofy sendup of alien invasion fiction, "We Have Seen the Enemy and They Are Odd" is a fitfully funny effort, breezy and enjoyable, critical without being caustic. A big melting pot of mass panic, military hardware, social media, religious fanaticism, and whiffs of farcical/satirical films like Mars Attacks and Dr. Strangelove, there's nothing earth-shakingly original or subversive here, but there are some solid laughs, especially in the ridiculous threats the aliens send to the weak, pathetic humans they intend to conquer and enslave. As is, it might have been better if it tilted further either into absurd lunacy or sharp-edged satire (instead of straddling the line), but it's still a pretty good time.
"We Have Seen the Enemy and They Are Odd" by Christopher Gray is appropriately titled. Scientists are surprised when they discover a comet on a near-Earth trajectory. Soon the electromagnetic interference starts causing havoc with communication signals.
Ever vigilant of potential political fallout, the President gathers the appropriate advisors and watches the situation unfold. Will the comet continue on its way, or is Earth doomed to suffer some type of impact?
This story is a satire of the whole "aliens invade Earth" type of scenario, which has launched many a book and movie. In places it is laugh-out-loud funny. In other places it is shake-your-head absurd. This story is properly edited, and easily read. It is not serious. If you are looking for a short satire of a Hollywood staple, this might be just what you're looking for. Although a short story, it does have its moments where it shines and entertains.
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